Better Days
by Evablue
Summary: PostOLAS. It's her senior year and Emma is spending her 18th birthday alone. Can someone make her feel better? Perhaps even help her remember who she use to be? EmmaSean


Note: This is for Lauren on her eighteenth birthday because she asked for one-shots. And I love my fellow WTS lots. I know it is late but whatev. I got writer's block (ask Jackie - it is her fault). It isn't as polished as I would normally want something to be before posting but special exception for Lauren's b-day.

It was originally a songfic and if you want to read it WITH lyrics go to DB. Otherwise, listen to the Goo Goo Dolls' "Better Days" when reading this..

Oh, yeah… And _spoiler warning _for US viewers.

**One-shot: Better Days**

Emma leaned her forehead against the warm glass of her window, allowing her gaze to sweep over the empty courtyard. She felt calmer knowing the world outside her dorm-like room was so still, so empty of chaos. The world was probably rushing by back in Toronto but here it was moving at a slow and easy pace.

Still, Emma felt a wave of sadness sweep through her as she remembered exactly what day it was. Her _birthday_. Her eighteenth birthday. If anyone had told Emma Nelson should be have been spending this life altering day in a eating disorder treatment center she would have laughed right in their face. But here she was sitting by herself in her quaint, sterile room.

Her parents were going to come visit her but Jack had come down with the flu and Snake had quickly followed. Manny and the rest of her friends had also wanted to come and visit her but their hands were tied financially. While she felt a bit of sadness that she would be spending her birthday alone she understood that the people she loved couldn't just put their life on pause for her.

Emma allowed herself a self-deriving smile as she let the thought filter in her mind that perhaps it was better this way. Why bother celebrating a day that had eventually lead so many people to so much pain?

Emma could still clearly remember Manny's face, crumbled in pain, as she begged Emma not to leave her. "You can't do this to me…" she had whispered, fearfully.

But Emma sometimes had the sick feeling everyone would be better off if she dropped out of their lives for good. It was only the realization that they did not feel that way that kept her going, kept her fighting.

And she had fought for so long. For nearly six months she had been working on her recovery, trying to keep up with good eating habits. Emma couldn't exactly pick the moment she had relapsed again, perhaps because it was so small it had seemed insignificant at the time.

By the time the tell-tale signs were visible again, at least to Ms. Sauve, she had already begun hiding her food again and being more creative with ways to dispose of what she had already eaten.

It was the beginning of November when Ms. Sauve and her parents had assembled together for a private meeting about her and it was a week later she had found herself checked into the treatment center.

She could still remember the look of fear in her mother's eyes…

With a sigh Emma shook off her thoughts and moved from her window to sit on the corner of her bed. It was going to be a slow day. Her individual therapy sessions had been canceled for the day and on account of it being Saturday she'd only had a few group activities earlier that morning. She'd have to come out of her room for dinner later on but other than that she could just crawl back into bed and hide.

Emma considered it for another moment before eagerly pulling down the covers off her bed and then moving so she was under them. With something resembling a noise of content she snuggled down into her pillow and closed her eyes.

For the first time that day she allowed a passing thought of her ex- boyfriend, Peter, to filter into her mind. She hasn't spoken to him much in the first five weeks she had been at the treatment center. An e-mail here and there when she had been able to spare some time in the facility's computer lab. But they had only shared one, _final_, phone call.

She wanted to be angry with him and call it heartless but the truth was that she couldn't really blame him. He had tried not to break-up with her then. She could hear it in his voice. Peter could be a jerk but he wasn't a bad person. But she also could feel he was at the end of his rope, beginning to see their relationship as a burden and searching for the exit.

He'd tried in the beginning to be supportive. He'd stuck by her through those first few weeks where she'd felt like a fragile piece of glass. He had been encouraging as she worked on her recovery in the months that followed. But, now, when it has become apparent that she wouldn't so easily become better, that it wouldn't be a nearly instant fix, she could see he had become fidgety.

He didn't want a nutcase for a girlfriend - he wanted the girl she had been at the beginning of the year. And this new girlfriend wasn't going to be put into some easy bake oven and pop out exactly like he wanted her to be.

When she'd told him Snake was going to pay for her to attend a treatment center that specialized in eating disorders she had seen the relief in his eyes. She would be gone and no longer a burden.

Emma felt a lonely tear streak down her cheek before dropping down onto her pillow. Another quickly followed then another.

No, she didn't blame him. But that didn't mean it didn't hurt.

_**

* * *

**_

She must have fallen asleep, though she didn't remember doing so. Emma just knew when she opened her eyes again it was an entire hour later. She shifted her head a bit on her pillow and her cheek came across a damp spot. Lifting up slightly she saw that there was a small wet spot on the middle of the pillow.

Frowning she wondered if she had cried in her sleep, as well. That would explain the headache…

Sitting up and tossing the covers up Emma forced herself to get out of bed despite how groggy her head felt.

"I was wondering how long you'd be out," a male voice said from across the room.

Emma jumped, nearly screaming as she whirled around. Her eyes were wide and her heart felt like it was hammering against her chest as she made eye contact with the person who she hadn't realized had even come into her room.

"Oh my God, are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

"Sorry. I'm sorry," he said, but he didn't look very apologetic. Truthfully, the ass was smiling.

"W-What are you doing here?"

"I just traveled all the way to Willingsville, NY and all you can say is, "Oh my God….What are you doing here?" He raised an eyebrow at her.

"Well, um… yeah," Emma said, stupidly. "I mean, I never would have expected… Out of all my exes… It's like 200 miles… Why would you… " Emma snapped her mouth shut, cutting off her half-formed thoughts and babbling. "Hi."

His grin became even wider. "Hey."

"Do, um, do the nurses know you're here?"

"Yup. I'm completely psych ward approved, don't worry." He held up a small piece of paper with what looked like a stamp on it. "And I got you a temporary release form."

"Temporary release form?"

"Yeah, um… I can take you into town. We can celebrate your birthday." His voice became softer as he added, "Happy Birthday, Em."

"But what about - "

"They've gone over procedure with me and I promised I'd make sure you followed it. They knew I was sincere when I said I wanted you to get better."

Emma shook her head. "How did you even know I was here, Sean?"

Sean looked away, looking almost guilty. "I've been keeping a few tabs on you, Em."

Emma quirked an eyebrow at that. "So who exactly has been acting as your informant?"

"I could tell you but then I'd have to kill you," Sean said, in a low secretive voice. "And we wouldn't want that."

_He's joking_, Emma realized. _It's been a long time since anyone has been comfortable enough around me to make a joke_.

Before Emma knew what she was doing she had launched herself across the room and flung her arms around Sean in a tight hug. He was tense against her before lifting his own arms and pulling her even closer. One hand came up to tangle in her hair, moving her face closer into the nook of his neck.

She closed her eyes, enjoying the familiar scent of sweat, soap, and his aftershave. How could he be gone so long and still smell the same? Still feel the same?

_Sean…_, her mind breathed. _Her Sean_.

**

* * *

**

Some time later Emma moved out of his embrace. She turned up toward him and was taken aback to find him watching her intensely. It was almost as if he could see right into her. That thought was discomforting and Emma found herself shifting nervously before moving away from him.

"So, um…" Emma shrugged, at a loss for what she wanted to say.

"So," Sean repeated, raising an eyebrow.

"This must be almost surreal for you, huh?"

Sean nodded. "I never would have thought I'd be visiting you in a place like this. You were the strongest person I had ever met. Like…. Like a bulldozer that couldn't be stopped or slowed down." Sean paused, seeming thoughtful. "I guess I always put being strong right up there with always making the right choices."

Emma shook her head, feeling a pit form in her stomach again. He wanted the same thing Peter did - a girl who didn't exist anymore. "Maybe I was strong. Before…. Before everything. But I'm not that person anymore. I wouldn't even know how to be that person again."

"No, you're wrong, Em. I know you're still just as strong."

He sounded so sure, like he had no doubt whatsoever about what he said. Emma felt her throat become tight and had to push the next sentence out. "How - How do you know that?"

"Because it takes a very strong person to be here, you know? Face your demons head on. And that's how I know you'll be alright." Sean broke off, and Emma could have sworn she saw the shine of tears in his eyes before he turned his head to the side. "You'll be alright."

"I'm going to try to be."

Sean nodded then quickly stood up, shaking off the emotion and quickly regaining his composure. "Okay, so are we ready to go or what?"

Emma suddenly realized she was wearing oversized Sponge Bob pajama pants and a 'Save the Whales' t-shirt. Her hair was also pulled back in a messy bun and she couldn't remember if she'd even bothered to brush her teeth after lunch. Feeling embarrassed she crossed her arms over her chest self-consciously.

"Um, I a - "

"Need to get dressed?" Sean finished for her.

"Yeah, that'd be good."

"Okay, I'll wait for you in the visiting area, then."

"Alright. I'll just be about ten minutes, okay?"

Sean then made his way toward her and pulled her into another hug, trapping her arms in between her body and his. She felt him sigh before he pulled back again.

He paused again when he was at the door and looked at her. In a tone she couldn't quite figure out he muttered, "It's good to see you again, Em."

He was out the door and gone before she could get out a reply. With a small smile she allowed herself to say to the empty room, "It's good to see you again, too."

_**

* * *

**_

It was nearly a half an hour before she was ready but Sean had no complaints when she stepped into the visiting room. She swore he inhaled deeply when he saw her but a second later she was sure she imagined it.

When they took those first few steps out of the compound's front door Emma felt a shiver go through her. She hadn't been out in the real world in a month and a half. She wasn't sure she could do this, now that she thought about it. She liked her sanitary world and set regulations.

Out her she would mess up all over again. Sean must have sensed her panic because he put his arm around the small of her back, using it to push her steps forward. His thumb moved up and down her skin in what could only be a comforting gesture.

With the light pressure of Sean's hand on her back somehow Emma found the strength to put one foot in front of the other and move away from the place she had called home for six weeks.

They didn't say much in the car, just let the music on the radio play on. Neither really felt they needed to fill up the space with words of some kind.

Though, Emma was curious to know where it was they were going. "Sean, any hints?"

"We're almost there."

"That's not a hint. That's a statement," Emma groused.

"Is it? I don't know… You're the smart one," Sean joked back. "You are the one that burned the popcorn, though."

"Hey, that was a lifetime ago."

"Some days," Sean said quietly, as though to himself.

Sean made a slow turn into a parking lot and then the car came to a stop. Emma looked around but the building seemed to be without any type of wording, at least on the side they had parked.

"Really not fair. We get here and I still don't know where here is. You're not planning on bringing me to a deserted warehouse and hacking me into pieces, are you?"

"No, that would be your other ex-boyfriend," Sean quipped, causing Emma to raise an eyebrow.

"Okay, now I know you've been talking to Manny." Emma groaned. "Despite public opinion Peter really doesn't have horns."

"So he didn't videotape Manny taking her top off and then broadcast it around the whole school?"

Emma shut her mouth, deciding it was best to just let the Peter topic go. He was her ex-boyfriend now so she wasn't under too much obligation to defend him. Especially since he _had_ dumped her.

"So, are you going to keep me in suspense for the rest of my life or tell me where we are?"

"Why don't I show you?" Sean said, a small smile on his face.

He got out of the car, excitement evident in his movements. Emma grinned to herself and went to open her car door but was a second behind Sean, who had decided to open it for her.

"I can open my own door, you know," Emma said, even as she smiled.

"Yeah, I know…Feminism and all of that."

Emma slid out of the car and let Sean close it behind her. She nearly jumped when he softly put his hand on the small of her back, steering her towards the front door.

"I hope you won't be disappointed."

Emma was surprised that Sean appeared nervous, a tinge of worry in his voice. "I won't be," Emma swore. "Just you doing this… It's enough."

Ten minutes later Emma was holding a small dog in her hands, petting him softly. She had to be really careful in how she touched it because it had a cast around one of its legs. The dog's tale wagged happily and Emma felt a rush of warmth in her chest.

_Only you, Sean, would think to bring me to an animal shelter for abused and abandoned animals_, Emma thought with wonder. _Only you_…

She knew what Peter would have done. He would have bought her roses and then brought her to a fancy restaurant, one that had food on its menu that she couldn't even pronounce. It would have cost an enormous amount of money and Peter would have forked it over with a smile saying, "You're worth it."

The only money Sean had paid for this was in gas and that seemed just right.

She looked up at Sean to find him watching her again under hooded eyes and she felt her cheeks flush. "Thank you," she said, simply.

He only smiled in return.

_

* * *

_

Everything had been her form of perfect. The right guy, the right surprise… All of the details were picked from a dream. Until right at that moment.

Dinner.

It was such a simple concept to so many people. Order what you like, then eat it, right? _Wrong_. It had been a long time since a meal was that easy for Emma Nelson. Only, she wished it was that cut and dry - that automatic. At least just on this one day.

She didn't want Sean to see this part of her. Sure, he knew she was sick. He knew she was sick to the point that she needed to be in a treatment facility. But he hadn't really seen what was wrong with her. Once he did that memory would always be with him.

A part of her, for him, would die…

"Emma, are you alright?" Sean asked tentatively, his eyebrows furrowed in concern.

"I'm - I'm fine." Emma forced a smile and hoped her voice was steady. "I just don't know what to order. Everything sounds so good."

"Or too fattening?" Sean guessed.

Emma winced, nodding reluctantly and letting the plastic smile fall from her face. "I'm sorry, Sean. It's still just so hard to have a normal - "

"It's okay. They told me you might not be ready to pick from an entire dinner menu. You've had a few meals a night you could chose from, right?"

"Yeah, and seeing all of these food choices it is like… Mind overload."

"Well, I'm thinking the veggie burger with a side of fries. How does that sound to you?"

_Disgusting_, Emma thought to herself. _A tub of fat that will attach to my ass_. _A mountain of calories that will expand my stomach to the size of a watermelon_. _A giant mass of -_

"Emma?"

Emma snapped out of herself, focusing back on Sean. What was it that they said, one step forward and two steps back? That was her alright. "Sounds fine," Emma finally said. Then deciding to be honest she added, "As fine as any food sounds, anyway."

Sean didn't say anything and they fell into silence until the waiter came to take their order. Sean told him they wanted two orders of the veggie burger with fries.

When the waiter left Emma forced herself to say, "You think I'm a freak, don't you?"

Sean shook his head no, looking her straight in the eyes. "No, I don't, Em. I just wish…I wish I had known before what was going on with you."

"You couldn't have stopped me, Sean. No one could have." Emma shrugged, trying to make less out of it. Wanting to change the subject she asked, "So, how have you been?"

"I've been," Sean said cryptically.

"Oh, how descriptive," Emma joked, rolling her eyes. "Details would be nice."

"There really isn't much to tell. Me and my parents have been getting along, which is kinda a miracle." Sean eyes fell to the table, hiding his emotions. "And I've been in therapy for the whole Rick thing."

"Yeah? That's good, Sean. Really good. Has it helped."

"Yeah." Sean laughed, almost not believing it. "Yeah, it really has."

Sean lifted his eyes up from the table and caught her own. Emma felt herself falling into the blue, remembering how calming they could be at her worst moments. For the first time she noticed how much older he looked, how the features of his face had become more refined.

Sean was no longer so much a boy but a young man…

The sudden intimacy was interrupted by the clatter of plates being put on the table as the waiter brought them their order. Sean and Emma shared awkward smiles with each other before turning away.

Emma's eyes looked down at her plate and began to feel queasy at how much food lay in front of her. If she ate to much she would never forgive herself and if she ate too little Sean would look at her the way everyone else did. If she hesitated too long Sean would begin to become concerned and but if she just sucked it up and ate the damn food she'd never be able to quiet the voices in her head.

"Emma?" Sean said, tentatively, drawing her back to him.

"Hmm?" Emma was able to get out, not being able to turn up from her plate.

"It's okay," he said easily, without rebuke or criticism. Just '_it's okay'_…

Emma blinked in amazement and turned up to face him. She searched his eyes, his mouth, and the bend of his shoulders for any sign of condemnation or disgust but found none.

Emma forced herself to release the breathe she was holding, relaxing back into her chair. _It's okay_, she told herself. _It's okay_…

If she took it just one bite at a time maybe it would be.

_**

* * *

**_

If anyone had told Emma she would spend part of her birthday laying on top of Sean Cameron's car looking at stars she would have told them they were deluded. If she had ever wished it herself well, then, when it came to Sean Cameron she _was_ deluded.

But there she was on top of his beaten up car with Sean beside her, looking up at the sky. She hadn't experienced a moment like this with someone else in far too long. Sure, Peter had taken her to lots of places where the stars were on display but he always had other motives.

This was more pure, more deep… More everything all at once. And so it always was with Sean Cameron.

"I'm coming back this January," Sean said suddenly, as though he couldn't hold it back any longer.

"For good?" Emma tried to hold back the excitement, not wanting to be disappointed.

"Yup. It's a clean split from my other school in the way of grading periods and finals."

"Sean, that's…" Emma broke off her words and sat up. Her face broke into a huge grin as she gave him a tight hug, though it was awkward because of the angle. "Wow, that's just…"

"Yeah. I figured I should graduate where I felt the most at home."

"I don't know if I'll be graduating on time," Emma admitted, her smile over his news fading. "I came here during the middle of the second term."

Sean sat up now, sitting so his knees brushed against her own. "So worst case scenario is you'll graduate during the summer, right? But if I know you you'll make it happen this spring."

"We'll see," Emma whispered. Another soft smile spread over Emma's face as she added, "I just can't believe you're coming back."

She turned to look at him and found that he was watching her again, something he seemed to be making a habit of that day. Sean smiled at her, though it was more wistful and secretive than anything else.

For a brief second Sean looked like he wanted to kiss her. She even saw him move in her direction an inch but then she thought she had imagined it.

A mere second later he had moved off of the car beside her and was standing on the ground, leading her to believe she had made the entire thing up in her head. He held up a hand to her and she placed her own in his, fighting off a wave of disappointment.

He helped her off the car and she was surprised to find him pull her against him.

"Sean - "

"Just so you know," Sean said quietly, his warm breath dancing across her skin. "I want to kiss you. But I'm not going to. Not yet. But I will."

Then he let her go slowly so that his body heat seemed to leave a seer across her own skin. Emma felt a wave of giddiness bubble inside of her and she understood better now.

_He would, _she thought to herself. _Some day, when the timing is better…  
_

_**

* * *

**__We've never really been the best at saying good-byes_, Emma thought to herself. 

Maybe goodbye was always too permanent for them and they knew it.

They were outside the treatment center, sitting in his car, and for the first time Emma knew there were places, and _people_, who made her feel just as safe as the granite and stone of that facility. People who reminded her of the person she had been long before everything had gone to hell.

Emma felt a giggle bubble from deep inside her gut before it filtered out into the air. She tried to stifle the second burst, then the third, but she couldn't seem to stop laughing.

"What are you laughing at?" Sean finally asked, though a small smile was now on his own face.

"I - I don't know," Emma finally managed to get out. Emma tried to get more words out but instead a hiccup escaped instead. She heard Sean's softer, more unsure, laugh mingle with her own for a second and then stop.

Emma's laughter calmed enough for her to turn her head and look at Sean to find his eyes glued to her. She felt a deep blush work its way into her cheeks.

"Will you stop doing that?"

"What?" Sean asked, feigning innocence.

"Looking at me. You've been doing it all night." Emma smiled. "And it's starting to creep me out."

"Can't help it," Sean admitted. "I haven't seen you in nearly two years, if you don't remember."

"Oh, I remember," Emma whispered softly. "Sean? Thank you."

"For what?"

"For today. For, you know, " Emma shrugged, thinking over everything he had done, "making me smile. For not making a big deal out of dinner. For making it easy on me to be with you."

Sean didn't do much to hide his confusion as he stared back at her, seeming to trace the lines of her face with his eyes like that would hold the answer to his question. Finally, he asked, "Why wouldn't it be easy on you?"

"It's been hard to be around a lot of people recently," Emma admitted. "They all treat me like I'm not a person anymore, just a living symptom of anorexia. But you didn't do that today. So, really, thanks."

Sean reached out his hand and tentatively placed it on top of hers, giving it a light squeeze. "Anytime, Em."

And Emma believed him.

_**

* * *

**_

Emma hadn't been able to sit for thirty full minutes. She kept rearranging things in her room and fiddling with her laundry. She had made, messed up, then remade her bed even though it was long past the time she should have been asleep.

It had been a long time since she had experienced a day like today. What had made it even more wonderful was coming into her room and finding it filled with flowers and stuffed animals from her friends and family.

All of them had notes attached that said things like, "Happy Birthday, sweetheart. I hope you had a wonderful day."

Or, her personal favorite (from Manny), "Happy B-day, Em! Hopefully you got what you wanted. PS - Did you smack that ass? Huh, did you?"

Maybe it had taken her twice as long as it should have to eat her dinner. Maybe she was in a treatment facility. She also knew now that she would never be okay with just eating food again, that she would always have issues with it somewhere in the back of her mind.

She would always be dealing with it. She would never wake up one day and magically be cured. But she had the type of support some people would never have in their wildest dreams.

And Sean had reminded her of the girl she had been; the girl she would be. Just him being there on her birthday had been something to give her hope.

She thought of what she had said to Sean in the car before he had left. "I'll be alright."

She thought of what he had said in return. "I know you will be, Em. Cause you're always what makes me remember _I'll _be alright."

It was a new year for her, a new beginning.

Maybe, just maybe, she would be just fine.

_**fin**  
_


End file.
